This year I am going to use her to write a letter to somebody every week and mail it on Monday.
"Dear Channel Ten,
I am writing to thank you for running Law and Order: SVU repeats on Thursday night. Perhaps you could play Law and Order every night, like you do with The Simpsons? There's more than enough episodes. Seriously, TV1 managed to create a whole pay-TV channel based on nothing but Law and Order repeats.
When I was in Year 9, we did an English unit on current affairs shows. At the end, we had to produce and film our own segment, using all the cliched tricks we'd picked up from watching taped episodes of Today Tonight. I conducted a fake interview with a student portraying a fictionalised disgraced AFL star. We had dolls representing his young family, and old netball trophies in the background to symbolise his premiership wins. I asked him hackneyed questions about his love of the game, and he broke down in manly sobs whilst he defended himself against the "shocking allegations" that he had engaged in lewd acts with one of those flags the linesmen use.
If I could find the tape we made, I would send it to you, since it's considerably better than anything Dave Hughes has done for The 7PM Project.
Sincerely,
Jayne."
Also my resolution to not eat chocolate has been surprisingly easy so far. I have decided to avoid another of my vices: Pepsi Max. They are running a promotion where if you drink ten bottles of Pepsi you get a t shirt. This is nice of them. I won a t shirt in one week. That is a lot of Pepsi Max.
I think I will extend this to carbonated beverages, generally. Except soda-water based cocktails. Of course.
When I went to the gym this morning I completed three whole quarters of a proper pushup before I fell smack on my face. Progress.
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